


which one of us is caving

by lucete



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Canon Related, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, i researched a Lot but there may be a few things i've glossed over, loosely based on that one quote from goblin, there is death as it is a reincarnation fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucete/pseuds/lucete
Summary: They say that every person has four lives: one that sows, one that waters, one that reaps and one that consumes. Seungwoo doesn’t know about all that, but what he does know is that if in each lifetime he is a seed that grows, then Wooseok is the earth that grounds him.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34
Collections: Flower Born From Fire Fic Fest





	which one of us is caving

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to our lovely mods for running this fest for our gorgeous seok and being so so kind and patient with me!! 🥺
> 
> to my prompter, i'm not sure if this fits what you had in mind but i hope you enjoy it!
>
>> Prompt #137: reincarnation au! (seungwoo and wooseok across different time periods and universes)

**Silla  
** _mid 600s_

In the first life that Seungwoo meets Wooseok, he only knows blood.

Rushing through his ears, dripping down his blade, staining his palms. The stench is almost unbearable, but Seungwoo has experienced this enough times to know how to block it out. He knows no matter how much he scrubs his body raw and beats the colour out of his clothes, the scent of destruction and suffering will cling to the ends of his hair and the tips of his fingers. He tells himself that it’s a good thing, that his targets will know the moment he allows them to meet his eyes that there is no point in running from Silla’s reaper.

Like any other night he has a target, Seungwoo races atop titled roofs, hunting his scampering prey through the shadows. He moves through the silence like he is the breeze himself, cutting through the air with leaps and dives, closing in on his mark.

It’s a young man this time, no older than sixteen, and he runs with the agility and desperation that only youth can offer. Seungwoo doesn’t feel guilt anymore, but cannot help the slight shame that pricks his heart at a life cut short. Emotions serve no purpose in this position, but Seungwoo has his shortcomings.

The boy ducks and weaves through the dead streets, glancing over his shoulder as if he can pinpoint where Seungwoo is. He can’t — Seungwoo has made sure of that. He’s barely louder than a gust of wind in the night speeding through darkness drawing closer and closer until soon enough, they reach a dead end.

Seungwoo drops to the ground in a crouch in front of him, finally revealing himself. The boy falls in surprise, scrambling backwards and away from him until his back hits the stone alley wall and he can’t go any further. Seungwoo stands to his full height and unsheathes his sword, moonlight bouncing off the blade in a bright gleam that makes the boy cringe at the light for a split second.

That’s all the time Seungwoo needs.

One strike downwards, and his mission is complete. Blood starts to seep into the ground and the boy goes limp, not even a cry left to be heard. He wipes off his sword and quickly sheathes it, then pulls at a scroll the boy clutches in his fist. He glances around to check whether this meeting had been witnessed. Silence.

Seungwoo turns to leave, then pauses. It’s his rule to leave bodies untouched after he’s killed, but the boy is just so young. So innocent looking. Seungwoo thinks he might’ve looked like that in the past once, though he can’t remember what it was like to look at his reflection and not see a beast.

Seungwoo crouches by the body and raises a hand over his face. He pauses for a moment, then brushes his hand over the boy’s eyes, closing them to the world. Maybe he’s grown soft or maybe he sees himself reflected in the boy — someone lost to a world he never belonged to in the first place. Seungwoo doesn’t know.

What he does know is that it’s definitely a weakness. And Seungwoo doesn’t need weaknesses.

☾

Unlike the common people’s whispers, Silla’s reaper is no mercenary.

Seungwoo sometimes wishes he was, wishes he was something other than the name he was given. If anything pure runs through his blood at this point, it’s his twisted loyalty. He will remove the obstacles out of the way of the master that named and clothed him, clear the path and be the rag that polishes the steps to power.

He’ll be thrown away, eventually. Seungwoo doesn’t know whether he awaits the day or dreads it. For now, he does what he is told. Strikes down who is destined to fall and hope he can cleanse his sins in the next life.

When it becomes too much, when constantly moving doesn’t quell the spinning in his head and the bile that rises in his throat, Seungwoo retreats to a small corner of _Gyerim_ , the furthest he can get away from the city and still see the bright yellow canola flower blossoms and smell the scent of earth and greenery strong enough to drive the scent of blood he carries with him away.

It’s the only place his mind is quiet, taking in the birdsong and the gentle rush of the nearby stream where his world centres itself again and he is rooted back into the ground. Seungwoo doesn’t allow himself to feel loneliness but sometimes it finds him in the silence, a small ache behind his eyelids. A soft vice around his heart.

Until one day, he’s not alone.

Seungwoo stumbles into his corner of the forest to find another young man, silk _baji_ drawn up to his knees and slender legs dipped in the stream before him.

Seungwoo is surprised at the sight, hand jumping to his blade, twigs snapping beneath his feet — an amateur’s mistake. The man startles, whips his head around and locks eyes with him.

Oh.

He’s pretty. Eyes larger than he’s used to around these parts that twinkle with the sparkles from the late afternoon sun’s reflection in the water.

The man looks just as surprised as Seungwoo feels, but seems to relax under his gaze. How strange.

“Oh, hello there,” he greets with a small incline of his head. “Have I taken your place?” His voice is surprisingly deep for his delicate features. Seungwoo shouldn’t judge, though he has little reason to speak these days, he knows his own tone is rather soft despite his figure.

Seungwoo blinks. “No, not at all,” voice rough from unuse. “It is not as though I own this place.”

The man laughs, a bright, cheerful sound that has Seungwoo lingering on the cadence. “I suppose that’s true.”

Before he can stop them, the words come tumbling out of his lips.

“What’s your name, my lord?”

Seungwoo wishes he bound his mouth shut and cut out his tongue.

The man cocks his head to the side. “Kim Wooseok. I hail from Baekje, but I suppose Silla is my new home now.”

The way he states it leaves no room for questions and that suits Seungwoo just fine. The less he knows the better. Besides, this will be the last time he visits this spot now that it has a new occupant. Unfortunate, but it was about time he move on from here. He allowed himself to get too attached to his little stream amongst the wildflowers. Maybe he’s grown more sensitive over the years.

Maybe he was waiting for a moment like this one.

The man’s — _Kim Wooseok’s_ — head is tilted to the other side now and Seungwoo realises he’s missed what seems to be a question. “My apologies, what did you ask me?”

Wooseok chuckles again, hand raised to cover his mouth. Seungwoo feels his face heat up.

“Only for your name, my lord.”

Seungwoo knows he probably shouldn’t give his real name, but he’ll never see the man again. He supposes he allow himself this small liberty.

“Han Seungwoo.”

Wooseok smiles. “Would you care to join me? The water is the perfect temperature to cool off, and I must admit there is much I wish to know about your land. Will you lend me your time?”

Seungwoo knows he should leave, find another forest to haunt and let his demons run loose, but Wooseok’s voice is soothing and enticing. His eyes hold a small cluster of stars and Seungwoo wishes to count each one, just for the night.

He supposes there’s nothing wrong with indulging just once.

☾

It isn’t the last time Seungwoo returns to his stream. His stream. It doesn’t quite sound right. He supposes it’s _their_ stream now, given he can barely remember the last time he has gone to the place without his new companion either with him in person or on his mind. Seungwoo can barely bring himself to care either; he likes having someone to talk to after all the years he’s spent in silence, with only orders to listen to and nothing of value to speak about.

Spending time with Wooseok is nothing like anything Seungwoo has experienced, however.

Maybe it’s because he’s from a not-so-foreign land, but it feels like the very air he breathes is so different to Seungwoo’s, despite sharing the same space. Seungwoo knows it’s Wooseok himself, but he tries his best to chalk it up to the wind, the water, the scent of the flowers and earth — because realising that Wooseok alone is the one responsible for the changes in Seungwoo’s heart is dangerous. And Seungwoo cannot accept that level of risk around him.

Wooseok doesn’t seem to mind how secretive he is, however. He’s just as secretive on his own. Rather than spike his anxiety, in an odd way Seungwoo feels settled like this, knowing Wooseok has his secrets. It means Wooseok doesn’t pry too much into Seungwoo, lest he do the same in return. He likes the easy camaraderie between them, without layers of deceit and duplicity. Besides, you can’t lie to someone who doesn’t ask questions that beget lies in the first place. Seungwoo thinks Wooseok must know this, and behaves the way he does on purpose. Whether he’s impressed or appreciative, Seungwoo isn’t sure. But it works for the both of them.

Wooseok assumes from their second meeting that Seungwoo is a member of the _Hwarang_ , and Seungwoo is happy to keep up the illusion. He doesn’t lie, just smiles at Wooseok and asks him “Do you think I’m pretty enough to be a part of the flower knights, my lord?”

Wooseok flushes pink like a baby plum blossom and Seungwoo feels a stirring somewhere in his chest.

“W-well,” Wooseok stammers. “Am I wrong to assume so, my lord?”

“No, my lord. You can assume whatever you please.”

Wooseok fixes his gaze on the ground in front of him and Seungwoo lets out a laugh that surprises even himself. When was the last time he had ever done so?

He feels Wooseok’s gaze snap back up to him at the sound and catches himself reddening at the sudden attention.

He turns to look at Wooseok, who gazes back with a small smile of his own. Seungwoo feels his heart stumble over the next beat and before he can begin to question what that means, Wooseok speaks.

“Seungwoo…” He speaks his name slowly and carefully as though he is testing the way it feels in his mouth. Seungwoo is stunned for a moment, hearing someone say his name with such gentle reverence like it is one worth saying, one worth lingering on, one worth treasuring for a moment. Wooseok’s lips spread into a tiny smile, the smile that leaves Seungwoo yearning for more because Wooseok always seems to purse his lips to squash it down from turning into a grin.

“Can I call you Seungwoo from now on? This ‘ _my lord_ ’ business feels far too formal for my tastes. I like to think we’ve gotten closer since we first met.”

Seungwoo’s jaw drops slightly, eyes widening at Wooseok’s gall. Wooseok’s eyes fold into crescents instead, smile dimpling his cheeks as he stares back up at him. There’s expectation there, some kind of interest that has Seungwoo pondering whether there’s another meaning to his words.

Rather than try to find it, Seungwoo reaches out and flicks his nose instead.

“Ow! What on earth was that for?” Wooseok rubs at his face, brow pinched as he glares at Seungwoo.

“For your cheek. You’re well aware that I am older than you, are you not?”

Wooseok rolls his eyes and Seungwoo has to hold back another laugh.

“Is that a no, then?” Wooseok asks, flopping back to the ground and cushioning his head with his arms.

“It’s a no to calling me Seungwoo.” Seungwoo smiles down at Wooseok, then snaps his gaze back to the stream before Wooseok can catch him.

“You can call me _hyungnim_ , if you like though.”

He feels Wooseok’s eyes back on his face as Seungwoo dips his feet into the stream, his attention on the rippling water instead. He swings his legs back and forth through the water, the coolness serving little distraction to how intensely his heart is beating. He stares down at the water, doing his best to avoid Wooseok’s gaze — but Wooseok simply slides his legs into the stream next to him, brushing against Seungwoo. Seungwoo jumps at the contact, but Wooseok doesn’t pull away. Instead, it feels as if he draws closer.

Seungwoo’s heart feels like it might burst with how hard it’s thumping.

“ _Hyungnim_ ,” Wooseok murmurs, close to his ear. “Seungwoo _hyungnim?_ ” His voice lilts teasingly, and Seungwoo feels a jolt run through him at the honorific and he can’t help but look over at him to tease him back— scold him— say anything really—

But Wooseok is much closer to him than he expects, leaning up to look right into his eyes with that tiny smile that has always seems to make Seungwoo forget his own name for a moment. Seungwoo finds himself lost in wondering what it would be like to touch Wooseok’s face with his tainted hands, hold him in his scarred arms, close the distance between their lips.

Wooseok has that look on his face again. That half-expectant, half-hopeful glimmer in his eyes that makes Seungwoo wonder if he should just shut off any logic and sense he has left and just act on his desires.

But Seungwoo is nothing if not perfect when it comes to self-control, so he holds back and watches whatever light was dancing in Wooseok’s eyes fade into nothing.

☾

When he’s informed of the coup, Seungwoo knows that he may never see Wooseok again. It’s almost funny, to think that before feeling any worry over his potential death — his first concern is Wooseok by their little stream in _Gyerim_ , waiting for him to return.

His master is convinced that their rebellion against the Queen will be a success, what with her weakened health and almost all her soldiers having been sent to Silla’s borders for defence. It was the perfect plan, storm the gates of the palace, kill the Queen and replace her with a rightful male heir. They had the most powerful members of the royal court on their side, nothing could stop them from taking the throne.

Seungwoo is doubtful. But none of that matters, for if his master orders, he is to obey.

If they fail, they’ll be executed. If they succeed… Seungwoo doesn’t know what will happen.

He feels a prickle underneath his skin that claws at him each day they draw closer to the rebellion. For a moment, he wonders what it would be like to use the chaos of the chosen day to take Wooseok’s hand and flee — far away from Silla’s lands into Goguryeo territory or even back to Baekje. The way Wooseok sometimes speaks of his homeland leaves Seungwoo craving for a place to carve his own space into, a place where he can just _be_.

Not that such a dream is possible for him, not in this lifetime.

Seungwoo has never been one to entertain such grandiose desires for freedom, but meeting Wooseok awakened something in him he thought he had lost somewhere amongst the bodies he’s slain.

Maybe it’s hope, maybe it’s something else. All he knows is that it makes his world of grey and blood just that smallest bit brighter, and Seungwoo clings to that feeling like an addiction. Like he deserves to be greedy.

The night before the coup, Seungwoo finds himself wandering to the stream again. Wooseok is already there, clothes stacked in a neat pile off to the side while he lies back on top of the water. His eyes are shut, skin glistening under the yellow glow of the moon. Wooseok looks otherworldly.

Seungwoo leans over. “Do you not feel the cold at all?”

Wooseok opens an eye to look over him, before shutting it with a smile. “Not really. It’s been surprisingly warm this evening.”

Wooseok pulls his legs under the water and stands, looking up at Seungwoo.

“Would you care to join me, _hyungnim?_ ”

If this were another night, Seungwoo may have refused, knowing that the close proximity to Wooseok would brew all sorts of storms in his heart and body — but this time is different. This time could be the last.

He slips off his clothes swiftly and slides into the stream, but not before Wooseok lets out a tiny hiss when he sees the scars and wounds mottling his body.

Seungwoo has never felt ugly, vanity was a worthless pursuit for someone like him, but feeling Wooseok’s concerned eyes on his tortured skin makes him wish he could hide where he can’t be seen.

Wooseok wades towards him, until they’re so close to each other that Seungwoo can count each one of his eyelashes and the minuscule water-droplets that cling to them. Seungwoo wishes he was one of them, able to live inside of Wooseok’s features where he wouldn’t be noticed, hidden from the world with only Wooseok to feel his presence.

He raises a hand to trace the raised skin that runs from Seungwoo’s left shoulder down to his abdomen — the worst scars he has. It mars his body in a way that looks like he was sliced in two and soldered back together. Wooseok’s hand on his chest causes goosebumps to rise and for the first time that evening, Seungwoo feels the night’s chill pass through him.

Seungwoo’s tries to steady his breathing, but it’s like he can’t catch a breath in front of him. Wooseok’s eyes first trace each lesion, followed by the barest touch of his fingertips. Across his shoulder, down his chest, over his abdomen. When his fingers trail down an old burn scar that spans his forearm, Seungwoo grabs onto his hand.

Wooseok eyes flit back up to meet Seungwoo’s own, a hundred questions swirling amongst the stars inside them. He doesn’t ask any of them, instead shifting his hand to thread their fingers together as though they were lovers under the moonlight.

When he finally speaks, it’s barely a whisper over the wind. “It must’ve hurt a lot.”

An understatement, really. But what else can he say that won’t break the careful lines they’ve drawn to define their relationship?

“They did at the time,” Seungwoo smiles, brushing a few strands of Wooseok’s hair away from his face. “But they healed. And I no longer feel the pain much anymore.”

Wooseok nods, looking away from him. There are tears in his eyes and Seungwoo doesn’t know what he can say or do to stop them falling.

He doesn’t have to. Wooseok blinks them away as quickly as they appeared.

Wooseok puts on a bright smile and Seungwoo cringes at how his lips spread into a lie. “What do you have to tell me, Seungwoo _hyungnim_?”

Seungwoo is so taken aback, his jaw drops slightly. “Why do you think I have something to tell you?”

Wooseok raises an eyebrow. “You don’t?” He slides his thumb over the back of Seungwoo’s hand. “You look like you have a thousand things you wish to say.”

A thousand, a hundred thousand, a million. Amongst all those words he wants to say to Wooseok, there are only a few that feel important.

Water drips from Wooseok’s hairline onto his face. Seungwoo brushes them away and lets his hand linger on his cheek, grazing his cheek. Wooseok shuts his eyes for a second, lost in the moment, before opening them again to stare back at Seungwoo with a burning intensity that weakens him unlike any battle he’s ever fought before.

Every moment with Wooseok makes him feel fragile, like Wooseok could shatter him into nothing and he would simply accept it as his fate. Silla’s reaper brought to his knees by a simple boy from Baekje.

Seungwoo takes a breath, “Tomorrow. I won’t be here tomorrow.”

Wooseok blinks. “Just tomorrow?”

Seungwoo shakes his head no. “I don’t know until when, Wooseok.”

“What do you mean? Are you going somewhere? Is it far?”

Seungwoo closes his eyes and whispers, “You know I can’t tell you.”

He hears Wooseok sigh and feels his breath against his face. Then—

“Will you be back?”

Seungwoo opens his eyes only to be met with Wooseok’s unwavering ones.

“I will do everything I can to return.”

Wooseok’s face finally splits into a smile, a genuine one this time.

“Then I will wait for you.”

☾

The rebellion is quashed in ten days. Seungwoo fights to protect his master from capture, but fails against the might of the Queen’s army. After his master’s execution, he knows there is no place left to run. Blood running down his blade and a squashed sprig of canola flowers in his pockets, Silla’s reaper slices through soldiers to return to _Gyerim_ , to return to Wooseok.

Wooseok waits.

But Seungwoo does not return. ****

* * *

**Joseon  
** _late 1500s_

In the second life they meet, Seungwoo knows water. The sea in all its tremendous power and Wooseok, the anchor to hold him steady in the midst of it.

In this life, they grow up together.

Wooseok’s and Seungwoo’s fathers, both generals in the navy and close friends do everything in their power to ensure that their sons followed in their footsteps. For honour, for glory and prestige and to secure their families’ reputation and influence for future generations to come. Dreams were for those who couldn’t afford them, and those who could have to give them up in order to be in the position to dream. What they desired meant little in the face of their fathers and bloodline and for Seungwoo and Wooseok, their paths were set the second they were born as the only sons to the Han and Kim clans.

There are no complaints from Seungwoo. He was born for this, to fight on the frontlines for their King and country. Swords and bows fit into his hand like he was made to hold them and he excels in his training, rising through the ranks at breakneck speed. Seungwoo’s prewritten fate is sped along through his sheer burning passion, the desire to succeed and bring honour to his family.

To sail the seas and defend his land, he can’t imagine any greater purpose.

Wooseok is a little different.

Rather than a sword he prefers the ink brush, spending hours in the fields drawing life onto pieces of parchment with a few strokes with the flick of his wrist and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Wooseok finds meaning in the quiet moments he spends creating art and seeks little else.

Seungwoo doesn’t understand it, but he can accept it as a preference that differs from his. And regardless of what Wooseok would prefer to be spending his time on, he has no choice but to follow the path his father laid out for him. Luckily, Wooseok is just as skilled with weapons as he is with his inks, and he knows better than to deviate from the desires of his family.

Wooseok is strong, far stronger than he appears to most, which makes it easy for him to overcome opponents that underestimate him. Unlike Seungwoo’s taller, stockier build, Wooseok is slim and quick — light on his feet and hard to catch. The pair make for a good match in skills and strength which leads to constant sparring sessions that have them both winded and euphoric on endorphins.

Just being around Wooseok is feels something like that, a dizzying rush and a breath he can’t seem to catch — especially when he happens on his smile.

To Seungwoo, it’s normal. Wooseok is dazzling. They’ve been attached to the hip since they could take steps on their own, running on chubby legs through fields to see who could reach the end first. Being with Wooseok is something like watching clouds flit across the sky. No cloud looks the same and there’s always a new shape to discover, yet the expansive brilliant blue of the heavens stays constant and unchanging. It sometimes feels like Wooseok changes far too quickly for him to follow but the core of who he is stays grounded, just enough for Seungwoo to be able to catch up.

For Seungwoo, Wooseok can be defined as his first. For every first Seungwoo has had in his life, Wooseok has been there to share it. His first time holding a sword and slicing open his hand, first time riding horses and falling face first into the mud, first time getting drunk on their fathers’ alcohol in the cellar at dawn, first battle at Joseon’s border, first time foraying out into the wide open sea.

He supposes their every moment was intertwined and he can’t imagine what a life without him would be like.

So whenever his heart decides to skip beats in his chest, when his eyes can’t help but follow Wooseok wherever he goes, or when he’s so overcome with fondness and adoration that he wants nothing more than to pull him close to his chest and hold him tight enough that he leaves an imprint in his skin — Seungwoo holds back. Wooseok may be blinding, but Seungwoo knows that it’s better to look away and keep him by his side than to look Wooseok in the eyes and face the truth of how he feels, only to never see him again.

Seungwoo is fine with it. He’s always been rather good at exercising self-restraint.

☾

They join the navy together, and everything is hell.

Seungwoo was prepared for this though, as was Wooseok. Seungwoo pushes on through training with a frightening tenacity and Wooseok is left trailing after him. It’s dangerous, almost, the way in which Seungwoo exponentially grows, ignoring the way his body cries out in agony in order the get stronger, do better, climb higher.

He’s desperate for the acknowledgement from his father and superiors that he is the best, that he can be the greatest and even greater still — so much so that he begins to drift away from Wooseok. To him, Wooseok is his greatest distraction and while they excel together, Seungwoo wants to prove that he is fully capable on his own.

It doesn’t go so well.

In one of their first minor tussles against _wokou_ pirate raid ships off the coast, Seungwoo charges in with all the zeal and enthusiasm of any young soldier in his first real battle outside of training. Seungwoo is confident, far too much so, and as he fights through criminals with a vengeance he fails to see the knife that comes for his neck.

Wooseok does, however.

Faster than a strike of lightning, Wooseok comes to protect his friend and the dagger slices down his upper arm in a jagged line spilling blood and pain onto the ship deck. Seungwoo see’s red and the rest becomes a blur. All he can remember is crowding Wooseok into his chest and carrying him away from the massacre, tears in his eyes and apologies spilling out as sobs. Wooseok is of far too sound mind to accept them and instead sends him off with a, “Rather than waste your time with silly platitudes, you can _use_ this time go out and finish this bloody wreckage.” Wooseok rips a shred of his uniform off and begins to bind his own wound with his good hand and teeth. Seungwoo stops him, taking the cloth gently from his hands and wrapping his arm tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Seungwoo mumbles. “Let me just do this first.”

Wooseok watches him carefully, before responding. “I don’t think this is what you have to apologise to me for.”

Seungwoo’s head shoots up from where he’s carefully checking the the makeshift bandage. Before he can say anything, Wooseok continues.

“We can talk about it later. First, you need to win this.”

Seungwoo stares into his eyes and can only see stone cold defence and determination stare back. Since when did Wooseok become so hard to read? In the time that Seungwoo spent trying to push him away and pull himself higher, the most important person to him almost felt like a stranger. Guilt eats at his chest, and he feels far too ashamed to continue to look upon Wooseok.

But Wooseok, being Wooseok, senses this almost immediately. He places a hand on Seungwoo’s shoulder, giving him a light squeeze.

“Don’t get so caught up in your own head. The two of us…we haven’t changed. And if we do, it will be together.”

Wooseok really does always know what to say.

It fills Seungwoo with a newfound determination, a stronger passion than the sheer desperation he was using to fuel his development. He takes his blade in one hand, turns away from Wooseok and charges right back into the thick of things, like he had come to do.

When the pirates vanquished, the soldiers have returned to their barracks and Wooseok and other wounded are tended to by the physicians, Seungwoo finally tells Wooseok the truth.

“I felt like I relied far too much on you, Wooseok. That I couldn’t be nearly as successful or do nearly as well unless you were there supporting me. Beside me, behind me, in front of me — just when you’re there I feel stronger, and when you’re not I feel the opposite. I didn’t want to stick to you so much that you’d grow tired of me.”

Wooseok scoffs, and glares at Seungwoo in his particular brand of fuming.

“ _Hyungnim_. Do you honestly not realise that I feel the same way towards you? We have been together since we were children, I know all your flaws and you know mine. I know your skills and talents as if they were my own. So when we are together, whether it is through war or life — I know everything will go the way it should because I am with you. Because with you by my side, I have absolutely nothing to fear. And that is my greatest strength. Is it not yours as well?”

Seungwoo feels heat prick behind his eyes and blinks furiously to force any stray tears away. He’s not sure if he succeeds, so instead he picks up Wooseok’s hand and holds it to his cheek, intertwining their fingers and pressing lips to the back of his palm. This is the extent of what he’ll allow himself.

“Of course, it is mine as well. You are my greatest strength. Without you, I’m nothing.”

☾

By the time Japan start their invasions, Seungwoo is already a captain with his own _panokseon_ whereas Wooseok mans a _geobukseon_. His dream had come true, they were both out at sea protecting the land they loved from anyone who dared to threaten it. They were a force together, taking out armies of enemy fleets side by side and receiving a wealth of praise and gratitude for all their efforts.

Seungwoo has never felt more at ease out in the open sea, regardless of the carnage that is usually surrounding him. Much like the call of the sword, he knows that the sea is in his blood. That he was made to be among the vast ocean, blade in hand and Wooseok by his side.

He feels too nervous to ask the man if he feels the same, but Wooseok always seems to know what to say.

“This is truly your dream come to life, _hyungnim_.” Wooseok murmured to him, after they had completed their first campaign as captains together. “Being a part of it, that’s my dream too.”

Seungwoo remembers it clearly, the fire of the setting sun and Wooseok just in front of it, blocking out the rays and leaving a halo around his head. A tiny smile and a hand on his shoulder. Seungwoo wishes he could’ve embraced him and live in that moment forever.

The way Wooseok looked at him made him feel like if he made that decision, he wouldn’t have minded so much.

 _Maybe_ , Seungwoo wonders _, Wooseok’s heart beats the same way his own does_. _Maybe, their hearts are one and the same_.

This coming battle is nothing that the two of them can compare any of their previous experiences to. Barely one hundred and fifty of their own Joseon ships against the might of five hundred vessels all set to destroy them. Seungwoo is terrified, but he has faith in their strength and tenacity. He knows deep in his bones that this is one battle that they were meant to always win.

Off the strait of _Noryang_ the battle wages. The strait is narrow, which works to their advantage as they close in through cannon fire and block the enemy from entering. It’s all going well according to plan, the enemy ships damaged and with nowhere to go — it sure feels like they’re winning.

Until they get close enough to engage in melee combat.

Seungwoo charges in first, blade in hand as he slices through his opponents without even the barest blink of an eye. He’s no longer the young soldier struggling with his worth and place, but a full-fledged navy captain, with countless wins under his belt and only more to come in what is building up to be a long and decorated career at sea. With Wooseok by his side, he’s unstoppable. A force unlike any other; a raging typhoon against their enemies.

And if Seungwoo is a typhoon, then Wooseok is the eye at the centre of the storm. Calm and measured, central to the chaos that surrounds him. Seungwoo thinks of all the comparisons that could be made between them, this one fits them the most. Seungwoo orbiting Wooseok as the pair reach out and cause havoc all around them.

The clanging and sharp metallic slides of swords and blades are deafening, along with the cries of men and the roaring of cannon fire. Seungwoo can barely hear any of it as he works his way through the crowds of enemies on each ship, desperate to bring victory home and end this forsaken war. Wooseok is right alongside him, signature flighty moves making him impossible to stop as he darts around the deck. It’s difficult to even catch him with ones’ sight let alone by ones’ blade and as always, Seungwoo is in awe with the way Wooseok almost looks like he’s dancing amongst the bloodshed.

Even in the midst of destruction, even as they dye the seas red with the blood of their invaders, Wooseok shines like a beacon at the centre of it all with only Seungwoo there to marvel at his glory.

It happens so quickly, Seungwoo feels like time physically bends around him in his rush to reach Wooseok’s side. Wooseok begins to battle against one opposing soldier and in his urge to defeat him, doesn’t see the bow aimed towards him from the ships mast. An arrow comes charging down, targeting the nape of Wooseok’s neck. Seungwoo charges forward, leaping to shield him from what would be a deadly blow.

He reaches just in time to get the arrow pierced directly into his chest.

☾

When he comes to, he’s in the infirmary.

Pain explodes from his heart and spreads throughout his body; he can barely lift a finger. But regardless, he’s alive. He’s made it through, somehow. Now Wooseok—

Wooseok.

Where is Wooseok?

He tries to jump up, to get up out of the bedding and run to find him but the ache is too great and his entire body feels like it’s made from steel and weighs him down. He groans as his head spins and the world goes hazy. But it’s not something he can’t handle. He shifts his arms to the side and tries to physically pull himself out of the beddings, crawling inch by inch to get closer to the door. It’s easily too much strain as the world tilts on its axis, and soon he falls back with a thud, vision going black.

By the time he comes to, he’s back on the mattress and the quilt is tucked around him tight enough to be its own soft, cushiony prison. The pain has subsided somewhat, and Seungwoo feels something stroke at his hair, gently coaxing him awake. When he opens his eyes — there he is. Kim Wooseok.

Wooseok’s eyes brim with tears as soon as they make eye contact, hand stilling in his hair as Seungwoo blinks up at him.

“ _Hyungnim_ ,” Wooseok whispers. In shock, reverence, happiness — Seungwoo isn’t so sure. His head feels cloudier still, and he has a feeling he’s going to fall out of consciousness again. Is this real? Is he still dreaming? Has he been dreaming this whole time?

He can’t be certain, and somewhere in his addled mind he thinks he needs to break the pattern.

It was often the advice they were given through training. When things don’t go your way, when you want to swing the battle in your favour — destroy the mould in which you’ve confined yourself. Empty your mind of all the things that run through it, and follow through on basic instinct. If you do that, you may find another way.

And so that’s what he intends to do, when he finally lets go of the vice he keeps locked around his heart. With the remaining strength left in his body, he raises a hand and tangles it into Wooseok’s hair, pulling his face down and meeting his mouth with his own.

He feels Wooseok’s gasp rather than hear it, the way Wooseok trembles against his lips. He expects Wooseok to push him away, shove him off and leave him there, but instead he feels his hands cup his face and press in harder, kiss him deeper. Wooseok’s lips are soft, like he imagined, but he kisses with a desire that Seungwoo couldn’t have even tried to fantasise about. The moment feels like a dream, like any moment Seungwoo will slip back into consciousness where nothing ever happened and he would have to continue to pretend that he didn’t love his closet friend like a lover. Seungwoo tries to keep his mind alert, but soon everything starts fading around the edges. He pulls away from Wooseok just to rest their foreheads together for a moment.

Wooseok murmurs something to him as he falls back to darkness, but Seungwoo doesn’t quite catch it.

It makes his heart feel warm though. He hopes he’ll get to hear it again when he wakes up.

☾

By the next moon, Seungwoo is finally well enough to travel back to his family home. He cannot remember the last time he went to see his parents and sisters all in person, only them having made the trip out to see him instead. He’s excited to spend time with them and rest for a moment, before returning to the sea.

Wooseok had already returned a week prior, citing his parents calling him for urgent business. More than anyone, Seungwoo is most excited to see him. After weeks of Wooseok at his bedside holding each other when the moon is high enough in the sky that no one can catch them — Seungwoo has felt like he’s been floating through a long, blissful dream. Maybe now, he can finally accept it as reality.

There is much fanfare upon his return. Honestly, he didn’t expect any less. A successful captain, returning from the end of a brutal war, injured from saving the life of a friend; the story of the Han family’s only son spreads far and wide. For the first week of his return he is unable to go anywhere, kept with his parents constant visitors of distant relatives and important government officials that his father is insistent on introducing to him. While he hoped for relaxation and days spent in the fields with Wooseok where they had grown up, he’s left confined to the walls of his home, time tased on people who wish to see him but not on the person he wants to see.

It gets to the point where he simply can’t take it anymore, and sends a message out to Wooseok to meet him by the lake they used to play in as kids. That night Seungwoo sneaks out and runs like a mad man to see him. He hasn’t run through the fields since he was a child, and the nostalgia almost makes him pause for a moment. He doesn’t, he has far more important things to attend to. When he sees Wooseok, maybe they can reminisce together.

Wooseok is sitting by the edge of the lake, on top of one of the larger boulders that make up one side of the waterfront. He dips his legs into the cool water, only to retract them with a hiss at the freezing temperature. Seungwoo can’t help but chuckle a little at it, before striding over to take his place beside him.

Without hesitation Seungwoo pulls him straight into his arms, resting his head on top of Wooseok’s and inhaling deeply. He hugs him tight to his chest, humming happily.

Wooseok lets out a small laugh, “What are you trying to do here, Captain Han?”

“Well, Captain Kim, I’m stealing all your warmth. Thank you for your generosity.”

“Oh is that so?” Wooseok turns around in his lap, then reaches out to tousle Seungwoo’s loose hair. “I would’ve liked to think that we were _sharing_ the warmth. I’m sure there’s more than enough for the both of us.”

“I don’t know about that,” Seungwoo buries his face into Wooseok’s neck. “Can’t you let me have all of it?”

Wooseok brushes his hand across Seungwoo’s cheek, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’ll let you have all of me, always.”

Seungwoo feels his face warm at Wooseok’s words, hiding his face back into Wooseok’s neck again. Seungwoo feels the rumble of his laugh against his lips, so he places a small kiss there. Wooseok pulls away with a surprised giggle at the sensation and that just makes Seungwoo pepper more kisses along the expanse of his neck, up his jaw, across his cheeks, tip of his nose, the centre of his forehead and then finally, presses a kiss to his lips.

Wooseok holds onto his cheek gently, as he moves his lips in tandem with Seungwoo’s. Soon he finds himself falling backwards onto the boulder with his arms wrapped around Wooseok who lies on top of him, still branding kisses over his lips and jaw. They’ve never been this close before and Seungwoo wishes he could pull him even closer. But dawn is breaking, and they both need to be in their homes before the day’s responsibilities come to wake them and see them out of their beds.

They part with a kiss in the middle of the field as the morning sun begins its rise from the horizon. The new dawn brings with it the fresh feeling of dew drops against his skin and his is stricken by how beautiful Wooseok is, darting through the long grasses on his way back home. Seungwoo thinks that maybe, just maybe — he could hold onto this forever.

The next day brings everything to a halt.

☾

Seungwoo is awoken in a frenzy, as servants come pouring into his room to get him prepared for the day ahead. There’s a rush to get him dressed and presentable, and no one will give him any answers as to what the sudden haste is all about.

He’s fitted into his best clothes and soon he is ushered into his father’s quarters. There is another man seated beside him; Seungwoo recognises him as one of the high ranking government officials that his father had introduced him to when he first returned. He bows in greeting, before seating himself in front of his father.

“Seungwoo, we have great news for you.” His father’s eyes twinkle in delight as he addresses his son.

“Yes, father?” Seungwoo glances between the pair of older men. There’s a sharpness in the air that sets Seungwoo’s nerves alight; despite the smiles and jovial demeanour between the men, something is off. Something doesn’t feel quite right.

“Minister Lee has agreed to join our family. You are to be betrothed to his daughter and married by the next moon.”

Seungwoo feels his entire body stiffen in shock, as his heart falls through his chest and burns in his stomach. He thinks he’s going to be sick, and clenches his fist under his robes to stop himself from shaking.

“Father,” Seungwoo starts carefully, as to not give anything away. “I’m not sure if marriage is the best choice to make at this time. I’m to return to the barracks in less than two moons time, and—”

“Nonsense!” Minister Lee barks out. “It’s more than enough time you and my daughter too be settled before you set back off to sea. You’ve been of age for quite a while now, Captain Han.”

“He’s right, Seungwoo,” his father nods, crossing his arms over his chest. “This is the best next step for you. Once you are married and have sired a son, we will be at peace.”

Seungwoo snaps, “Was going to the navy as you wished not enough? I thought that was what I needed to do to bring honour to this household.”

“Seungwoo!” His father jumps up. “Apologise to our guest for this impudence immediately!”

Seungwoo hangs his head, and bows to the minister. Through gritted teeth, he apologises. “My apologies, minister. I did not mean any offence against you or your daughter.”

“That’s quite alright, Captain. I do understand that this might have come as a shock to you. I will take my leave now.”

Minister Lee turns to his father, “I presume the all will proceed as planned?”

“Of course, minister. He’s just a little nervous, I will meet with you tomorrow.”

Seungwoo’s nails cut blood into his palms.

When the minister leaves, Seungwoo’s father turns to him. Seungwoo flinches, expecting a strike across his face, but none comes. His father just stares at him, as though he in analysing him. Reading him like a book.

“Seungwoo,” his father finally breathes out. “Is there someone else you wish to marry? Is that what this is?”

Seungwoo bites his lip. He had given up on any hope of marriage the moment he decided to dedicate everything to Wooseok. There is nothing that he desires from a woman that Wooseok couldn’t give him. The words burn like bile against his lips, but he knows better than to say anything.

“Marrying her is safe, my boy. Whomever else you desire will not…provide you with the best options you need to climb higher. Do you not wish to be made admiral? To bring honour to your name?”

Seungwoo turns his eyes to the floor. “Can’t I do those things without marriage? Why must I?”

“You are the only son of this household. Would you see our family line die out like this?”

“You know that’s not what I want,” Seungwoo rushes to say. “I just—”

“Is this because of Wooseok?”

Seungwoo stumbles a few steps back in horror.

“How…how did you—”

Seungwoo’s father looks at him with pity in his eyes. “Seungwoo, I too was at sea for many moons at a time. I understand the temptation and why one would give into it. I’ve seen the way you look at him. But it means nothing, it is just a means to an end when you have nothing else. Don’t confuse that with love.”

Seungwoo reels at his father’s admission. How could that be all it is?

“Think about everything you have to lose. I trust you to make the right decision.”

☾

That evening when he goes to meet Wooseok, he breaks the news.

Wooseok doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest.

“I had a feeling this would happen,” he murmurs, resting his cheek atop his hand.

Seungwoo frowns at him. “I’m not going to go through with it, Wooseok. I refuse to leave you like that.”

Wooseok smiles up at him instead, a halfhearted stretch of lips across his face that looks so false and unlike him that Seungwoo feels his heart seize up in his chest.

“Seungwoo,” Wooseok takes his hand. “Do you think I don’t know you? You will choose your family every time. And that is fine, it’s one of the many things I adore about you.

“I could never live with the guilt that you chose me over them. Please, don’t put me in that position.”

Seungwoo feels his eyes prick with the telltale sign of tears. “How am I supposed to continue without you?”

“You won’t have to, foolish thing. I will always be here. We will simply return to how things were before.”

Wooseok looks away from him, and stares down into the lake.

“Maybe that would’ve been the best choice from the start.”

☾

Minister Lee’s daughter is beautiful, personable and kind. Maybe in another life, in a life where Seungwoo never meets Wooseok, he could have fallen in love with her.

Everything goes according to the plan his father set out for him from the moment he was born. He becomes a general, sires a son, runs hundreds of successful campaigns that bring their enemies to their knees and much glory to his family. He leaves a record of a perfectly lived life.

Wooseok never marries, despite the desperate begging of his parents. He continues his campaigns at sea until his leg is injured badly enough to have him discharged. He takes refuge in a village in the mountains, where he can paint and rest. Away from Seungwoo and the place filled with all their memories and moments.

Seungwoo wonders if were he a little braver, whether things could have been different.

* * *

**Busan  
** _early 1950s_

When they meet in their third life, Wooseok is fleeing his hometown. The war ensures they cross paths yet again.

Busan is a bustling city of under a million, but when war spreads throughout the country the population booms with an influx of refugees pouring in seeking safety and sanctuary. Seungwoo and his family work to provide food and shelter to those who need it, and every day is a constant struggle to find enough rations for the ones they try to take in.

Seungwoo can’t remember what it was like to not feel exhaustion cling to his bones as he helps the community build and repair housing for Busan’s new occupants. It’s painful, sometimes unfulfilling work, but Seungwoo knows there’s little else he’d rather be doing. He wishes to enlist and serve his country on the front lines, but he knows that is impossible in his situation. Being the only son means that when his father is out working for weeks on end, he is the one to hold their family together. And Seungwoo doesn’t take that job lightly in the slightest.

When he’s not working on construction sites with his father, he’s busy delivering food with his mother and sisters, ushering refugees from the train yards and streets corners into dilapidated houses, drafting plans for new buildings when they barely start their current ones because there’s just _too many_ people that need help.

That’s when he first meets Wooseok.

Running from the massacres that hit in his hometown of Daejeon, Wooseok hops from foot to freight train and flees. His parents push the last of their money to him and tell him to run, and just keep running until he reaches Busan, where it’s safe.

He reaches one cluster of refugee homes where he is crammed in with ten others in what can’t be larger than a four _pyeong_ room. Wooseok blends in with the constant stream new tenants, and does his best to try and find some work — _any_ kind of work that will get food in his mouth and a letter out to his parents.

Seungwoo sees him when he’s making rounds delivering food. He pokes his head through the door and sees Wooseok, folding up ragged bedding into respectable piles in the corner of the room. A somewhat pointless attempt at trying to create space in a place clearly meant for at least eight less people, but Seungwoo can appreciate the effort. He steps in next to him and helps him fold the last of the blankets.

“Hi there,” Seungwoo greets him with a smile. “You’re new here.”

Wooseok looks over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m surprised you can actually tell, aren’t there hundreds of new people in every day?”

Seungwoo shrugs. “Try thousands.”

“How could you tell I was new?”

“You’re actually trying to keep the place liveable. Most guys give up after a week or two.”

Wooseok stacks the last blanket on the pile and rolls his shoulders back to relieve the ache. “You must have your work cut out for you.”

“We do what we can,” Seungwoo helps Wooseok shove the beddings into a corner of the room. The space it creates is minimal, but just enough for one person to maybe sit somewhat comfortably. Wooseok sits in the new space, legs drawn up to give Seungwoo enough room to join him. He does.

“What’s your name?” Seungwoo asks him.

“Kim Wooseok. I’m from Daejeon.”

Seungwoo reels back with a hiss, shocked. “Daejeon? My god, how long did you travel for to get here?”

Wooseok’s lips twist into a wry smile. “Long enough.”

Seungwoo stares at him in awe for a moment, until Wooseok clears his throat. His cheeks are a bit pink at all the staring and Seungwoo can’t help but think offhandedly about how cute it makes him look.

“What about you, then?”

“Han Seungwoo. Busan, born and raised. You’ll probably see me around these parts a bit, I help with constructing the refugee barracks and delivering food.”

Wooseok hummed. “It must be quite taxing for you.” He looks over him in a measured manner, like he’s trying to read him. Seungwoo can’t help but feel a bit unsettled, but being the focus of Wooseok’s attention doesn’t feel bad at all.

“It’s not the easiest work,” Seungwoo shrugs lightly. “But it’s better than doing nothing. When the war is over, I won’t have to look back with any regrets.”

“Ah,” Wooseok smiles. “So you’re doing this for your own self-interest?”

Seungwoo’s jaw drops, until he realises that Wooseok is joking with him. A laugh bubbles from his chest. “Oh no, you’ve totally caught me for the fraud I am.”

The pair chuckle together for a moment.

“Do you think—,” Wooseok swallows thickly. “Do you think the war will be over any time soon?”

Seungwoo looks over Wooseok. Despite his somewhat relaxed expression, his shoulders are drawn tight and fists clenched into balls. Seungwoo reaches over and covers his hands with his own. He isn’t one for false platitudes, but Seungwoo has plenty of hope. He’s more than happy to share it with this kind stranger.

“I don’t know when, but I can’t imagine it will stretch for too long. Our people are strong, we were born to last.”

Wooseok glances down at where Seungwoo is gently unravelling his fist with soft brushes of his own fingers. He relaxes and Seungwoo shoots him a smile, eyes disappearing into small crescents and entire face appearing years younger, like a schoolboy. Wooseok averts his eyes for a moment.

“But anyway,” Seungwoo breaks the moment, eyebrow raised. “How old are you? You seem to be younger than I am. My, you sure have a lot of cheek to make jokes with your senior like that!”

Wooseok bursts out laughing, and Seungwoo joins him. _This_ , Seungwoo’s mind can’t help but fixate on, _is something special._ He knows from the beginning, this is something he needs to hold onto.

☾

They grow incredibly close in rapid speed.

They’re not particularly similar, nor do they have much in common, but somehow they never run out of things to talk about. Seungwoo has a never running list of questions about Daejeon and Seoul and all the other cities Wooseok had been to before the war and he never minds answering them. Seungwoo has yet to leave Busan, and a part of him feels like he can picture himself in those cities, smell the air and feel the breeze with the vibrancy in which Wooseok describes them to him.

Seungwoo helps find Wooseok work in delivering water around the city after he realised that despite looking like skin and bones, the boy could beat him in arm wrestling. It was a bit of a pride hit to lose to his junior, but the smirk on Wooseok’s face was a welcome sight. He was cute when he got competitive. And he sure loved to get competitive with Seungwoo. He didn’t mind.

He had gotten so used to spending time with Wooseok that he could barely remember what life was like, or what _he_ was like before knowing him. Wooseok had the presence of a whirlwind and Seungwoo was swept up through him, unable to find his footing. Seungwoo could barely find it in himself to try though; he allows himself be lifted by the violent winds of Wooseok’s existence, and falls back to earth with his magnetism.

Seungwoo isn’t foolish, he knows that this is what he imagined love to be.

Or rather, it’s something far greater than he could have ever pictured.

He doesn’t know if Wooseok feels the same way as him, but sometimes, the way that he grabs on his hand and interlocks their fingers, swinging them back and forth playfully makes him feel that maybe it’s not all one sided.

Seungwoo gets used to starting and ending his days with him. He sees him in the morning when he makes food delivery rounds, making sure that Wooseok gets his fair share to eat, then he heads to the construction sites while Wooseok makes his own deliveries. But the time night falls, they meet at Wooseok’s last delivery spot and walk back to the housing units together, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the comfortable silence between them.

One such evening, Seungwoo manages to secure a few bottles of soju from one of the other men on the construction site. A few days previously, when asking Wooseok what he missed doing in Daejeon the most, he responded with a simple, “Honestly, I just miss sitting with my friends and having drink. Not having to think or worry about anything.”

Wooseok gasps when Seungwoo presents the bottles of alcohol with a flourish, asking “Why on earth did you get these?” despite his eyes twinkling at the sight of them.

Seungwoo laughs simply and says, “You said you missed it. Besides, we can drink to celebrate your letters finally reaching your mother.”

Wooseok’s face lights up in a way he’s never seen before. Whilst he spent almost every day with Wooseok, there are always new expressions, new opinions and thoughts that he’s met with each time. It feels like an adventure just to be with him, to learn more and only grow more curious.

He takes him to _Gwangalli_ , where Wooseok watches the glittering water shift over sand and Seungwoo watches Wooseok. The moonlight seems to glisten on Wooseok’s skin and the sparkles from the water dance in his eyes and _wow_. Seungwoo has never laid his eyes on anything more beautiful.

Wooseok’s cheeks soon flush a gentle pink, that starts from his ears and begins to spread down his neck. His smiles are a lot freer under the influence of alcohol, and Seungwoo can’t help but be enamoured by how brilliant he is without his guard up.

“I can’t believe,” Wooseok begins to slur. “I’ve been in Busan for _ages_ and only _now_ you’re taking me to one of the beaches.”

Seungwoo blinks. “Haven’t you already been before?”

Wooseok rolls his eyes at him. “Well, _yeah_ ,” Wooseok says slowly, like Seungwoo isn’t quite getting it. “But that’s different from _you_ taking me to one.”

“What’s different about it?”

Wooseok breathes out a dramatic, put upon sigh. “ _Everything_. Obviously.”

He lies back onto the sand and stares up at the sky, breathing in the sea air deeply. Seungwoo lies back with him, but turns to watch him.

“Heh,” Wooseok giggles. “You’re always lookin’ at me all the time. Do you like me or something?”

Seungwoo’s heart jumps to his throat. He doesn’t know if it’s the desperation to get the words out, or just the alcohol speaking when he admits it.

“Yeah,” Seungwoo whispers. “I do like you.”

There’s a moment of complete silence, where Seungwoo doesn’t breathe and it feels like his heart doesn’t even beat once. Slowly, Wooseok turns back to him.

“Well,” he says carefully. Suddenly, it’s like all of the alcohol has disappeared from his body. Wooseok’s eyes are bright and so concentrated on him, Seungwoo feels like whatever alcohol that had left Wooseok has just been shocked into his own system.

Wooseok whispers, “Why don’t you do anything about it?”

It’s enough for Seungwoo to lean over and covers Wooseok’s lips with his own. His heartbeat feels like gunfire in his chest and despite the evening chill, the burn of the alcohol and Wooseok’s body against him fills him with a warmth that he feels will never go away.

Wooseok holds onto Seungwoo’s face with both hands, pressing in harder until the kiss turns into something more intense. Soon, Wooseok rolls on top of him, licking deeper into his mouth with a tiny groan of desperation.

The sound causes a thrill to rush down Seungwoo’s spine and he grabs onto Wooseok’s body even tighter, pulling him even closer. He flips them over and scrapes his teeth, tongue and lips over the side of Wooseok’s neck — just so he can hear those tiny sounds again.

He doesn’t know how much time they spend, rolling around in the sand trying to brand kisses over each other’s bodies, but Seungwoo thinks a part of him will always be there, reliving those moments of closeness again and again and again.

☾

They spent the next year like that, clandestine meetings under the moonlight and masquerading as friends in the daytime. Seungwoo has never been happier.

Being with Wooseok feels like everything just fell into place, that the person Seungwoo is when he’s with him is the person he was always meant to be.

And soon things get even better: the war is over.

With it came all the efforts to rebuild their city stronger than ever. Things will never be perfect, and maybe Seungwoo will have to live with the deep seeded anxiety that everything could turn on its head at any moment, but he’s happy. There’s no more war, and he’s here with Wooseok.

Wooseok has met members of his sisters during their food distribution rounds before, but he has yet to introduce him to his parents. He didn’t have any intention to do so initially; what’s between him and Wooseok is private and special, and he didn’t want them to caste aspersions on him for choosing to be with a man.

But Wooseok asks to meet them, and he can’t deny him anything.

When they enter the house, they’re immediately greeted by his mother who welcomes in Wooseok like a son. The spread of food is massive and the celebration is raucous with all of Seungwoo’s sisters’ families joining them.

Seungwoo’s father takes an immediate liking to him, asking him about Daejeon and his parents, whether he was planning to return and when.

“I do plan on returning, very soon,” Wooseok tells him. “I miss my mother greatly.”

Seungwoo snaps his gaze away from his nieces back up to Wooseok. He never mentioned anything about returning home to him.

“Will you be back, my dear?” Seungwoo’s mother asks, pressing a piece of potato _jeon_ to his lips.

“Of course, ma’am,” Wooseok’s eyes meet Seungwoo’s from across the table with a small smile. “You couldn’t keep me away even if you tried.”

Seungwoo relaxes at that. _Of course, Wooseok would never leave him_.

It’s only after dinner passes and drinks are poured, that the bomb drops.

“Seungwoo!” His brother-in-law calls him over. “When are you going to find yourself a nice girl to marry, eh? Your poor mother is forced to prepare for all theses feasts alone! She could use a little help around the house!”

Seungwoo rolls his eyes, “I help her enough fine.”

“He’s right, you know.” His mother chimes in. “I am feeling fairly lonely these days. All my girls are out of the house! You need to bring someone new in, my boy.”

Seungwoo chuckles uncomfortably. “What can I say, there’s just no girls I’ve met that like me enough.”

“Nonsense!” his father booms. “You can’t waste your face while it’s still handsome! When I was your age—”

“Alright,” Seungwoo cuts in, desperate to end the conversation. “I guess I’ll just bring in the first girl I see then! Will that be okay?”

The family burst into raucous laughter, and the topic is finally dropped. Seungwoo darts his eyes across the table and lands on Wooseok’s, who quickly avoids his gaze.

Seungwoo feels something inside him seize up.

After everything gets cleared up, Seungwoo walks Wooseok home. As they reach his door, Wooseok stops and turns to him.

“Seungwoo _hyung_ ,” he stares him dead in the eyes. “I don’t want to be some secret you keep while you get a wife.”

Seungwoo sighs. “You know that’s not going to happen. I just had to say something to get them off my back. You know I’d never—”

“How do I know?” Wooseok asks, steel in his tone. “You’re the only son in your family, I know the pressures and the responsibilities. How can I know if you’re willing to give that up for me?”

“Well, what about you?” Seungwoo deflects. “You’re the only son as well; does your mother know about us?”

“Yes,” Wooseok states simply.

Seungwoo stumbles back a few steps.

“What do you— what do you mean she _knows_?”

“My mother knows that I like men and she knows that I like you. I’ve never hid, not once.”

Seungwoo is stunned silent. Wooseok looks him over.

“ _Hyung_ ,” he wraps his arms around him. “I know you love me. But I don’t want to keep secrets about who I love. If that’s something you can’t accept, then that’s that.”

Wooseok pulls away, and cups Seungwoo’s face in his hands for a moment. He then pulls out a slip of paper from his pocket.

“Tomorrow, I am taking the trains to Daejeon. If you’re at the train yard, I’ll know what your decision is. If not… Well. I understand regardless.”

Wooseok presses a quick kiss to Seungwoo’s lips before disappearing inside. Seungwoo knows then that if he doesn’t go, this will be the last time he’ll ever see Wooseok.

He knows clearly, what he’s meant to do.

☾

Seungwoo leaves a letter on the floor of his room addressed to his parents. He’s always wanted to see the world outside of Busan. Now instead of through Wooseok’s eyes, he can see the marvels with him.

* * *

**Seoul  
** _present day_

(Wooseok picks up after the third ring.

“Wooseok, how’s your schedule looking for the next month?”

A low chuckle filters through the speaker.

“ _Why, hyung? Do you miss me already?_ ”

Seungwoo bites back a smile. “Is there a day that I don’t?”

_“Alright, alright. No need to get cheesy.”_

Seungwoo snickers. “You wound me.”

He can practically hear Wooseok rolling his eyes through the phone.

“ _I have a couple of days off from album prep in two weeks. You should come see the puppies.”_

“The last time I saw Ddadda he peed on me.”

“ _He’s a lot better trained now!”_

“If you say so.”

_“Pfft. I have to head off, but I’ll see you soon!”_

“Wooseok?”

_“What?”_

“I love you.”

“... _Me too.”_ )

**Author's Note:**

> snoocat.....the softest of pairs
> 
> finally! reveals!! you can find me yelling nonsense on [twt](https://twitter.com/sacrifighting) or you can swing by and yell at _me_ on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/lucete) 🥰
> 
> i have many, _many_ notes on the historical eras i've mentioned in this fic, so if you're curious or want some clarification feel free to ask! or maybe i'll drop them on my [dreamwidth](https://lucete.dreamwidth.org/) once i've figured out how it works 🤔
> 
> thank you for reading 💛 please feel free to drop a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


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